Communication Principles

We live in relationships with other--family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. A key to strong relationships is good communication. Often we think of communication as a skill but it is more than a skill--it is a way of being. The scriptures contain principles that when followed will change our way of being leading to improved communications and better relationships. The following are some of these scriptural principals:

"Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath..." (James 1:19)

Master the art of asking questions (Moses 4:15-19)

"A wise...[person] will hear, and will increase learning (Proverbs 1:5)

Know when it is time to stop speaking (1 Nephi 8:38)

Choose not to be angry (3 Nephi 12:22, 3 Nephi 11:30)

Avoid contention (Mosiah 18:21, 3 Nephi 11:29)

Be careful with what you say (James 3)

Be merciful, "deal justly, judge righteously, and do good continually" for mercy and justice to be returned (Alma 41:14)

Take the time to get the story right (Alma 60-61)

Avoid criticizing (3 Nephi 14:1-5)

Quickly forgive (Doctrine and Covenants 64:8-10 and 1 Nephi 7:2)

"Let your speech be alway with grace" (Colossians 4:6)

Be aware of others and quick to observe (Mormon 1:2)

Don't be overbearing (Alma 38:12)

Use persuasion, and be long-suffering, gentle, meek, loving, and kind (Doctrine and Covenants 121:41-43)

 

Our Stories

Our lives are full of stories—we are told stories by our parents; we hear stories in school; we read stories in books, magazines, and newspapers; we watch stories on the television and in the movies; and we hear stories at work and from our friends. All of these stories help us interpret our world.

Some of our stories are ones we tell ourselves about the people and events in our lives, and seldom are these stories based on complete information. We make assumptions about what is happening in order to fill information gaps, form opinions, and draw conclusions.We then respond to events and interact with people based upon these stories.
 

It's particularly important that we get the story right when the stakes are high. Bad assumptions can lead to a faulty story, which in turn may have disastrous consequences both for us and those around us. The danger of a faulty story is illustrated by the Book of Mormon account of the exchange of letters between Moroni, the leader of the Nephite armies, and Pahoran, the governor of the Nephites.

At the time of this letter exchange, the Nephites were engaged in a prolonged war with the Lamanites. In the midst of this conflict, Moroni received a letter from Helaman, one of his generals. Helaman told Moroni that he had sent the governor, Pahoran, a letter requesting more supplies and men, but they had not received any help. He wrote, "Now we do not know the cause that the government does not grant us more strength; neither do those men who came up unto us know why we have not received greater strength" (Alma 58:34). Helaman didn't make assumptions about the reason for the lack of support from the government. He avoided the human tendency to impute motives for Pahoran's apparent lack of support.

Upon the receipt of Helaman's letter, Moroni wrote a letter to Pahoran. When he didn't receive an answer, he became "angry with the government, because of their indifference concerning the freedom of their country" (Alma 59:13). In his anger, Moroni wrote a second letter to Pahoran filled with accusations based upon Moroni's assumptions about the motivations of his governmental leaders. He complained and condemned, accusing them of willfully neglecting the army, thoughtlessly performing their duties, traitorously seeking authority, and idly seeking the comfort and security of the capital while their armies were suffering. With the story he created, Moroni threatened that unless the needed resources were forthcoming, he would lead the army against the Pahoran and overthrow him.

Moroni based these accusations upon his assumptions, not upon facts. He assumed the worst of his leaders. He started from the lack of support and created a story explaining the reason for this apparent indifference. This was a much different approach than Helaman's who stated that he didn't know the cause for the lack of men and supplies—he only knew the result.

Pahoran replied to Moroni's letter and explained that there had been an insurrection in the capital, and he and the government had fled. Pahoran explained,

"I, Pahoran, who am the chief governor of this land, do send these words unto Moroni, the chief captain over the army. Behold, I say unto you, Moroni, that I do not joy in your great afflictions, yea, it grieves my soul. But behold, there are those who do joy in your afflictions, yea, insomuch that they have risen up in rebellion against me, and also those of my people who are freemen, yea, and those who have risen up are exceedingly numerous. And behold, they have driven me out before them, and I have fled to the land of Gideon, with as many men as it were possible that I could get... And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart... I, Pahoran, do not seek for power, save only to retain my judgment-seat that I may preserve the rights and the liberty of my people... My soul standeth fast in that liberty in the which God hath made us free. And now, Moroni, I do joy in receiving your epistle, for I was somewhat worried concerning what we should do, whether it should be just in us to go against our brethren" (Alma 61:2-3, 5, 19, 21).

Pahoran diffused Moroni's false accusations by explaining that the situation in the capital was completely different from the assumption-filled story that Moroni had created. As Moroni understood the actual situation in the capital, he rushed to Pahoran's defense.

Moroni's faulty story could have led to blood shed and civil war. Pahoran was magnanimous towards Moroni even though he had threatened to overthrow the government. He didn't condemn Moroni for his accusations but expressed joy in the greatness of Moroni's heart. Pahoran was able to courageously look past the accusations and threats and see Moroni's great qualities.

The account shows the possible danger in the stories we create. How do we avoid creating a faulty story?

First, we need to gather correct information. Avoid making assumptions. Too often we construct stories based on broad and oftentimes grossly inaccurate assumptions. We don't live our lives with perfect information, but we must be careful in drawing conclusions based on what little information we may have. Helaman didn't make assumptions as Moroni did.

Second, we need to be aware that our assumptions are not facts. It isn't always possible to live without making some assumptions, but we should acknowledge they are just that and not facts. We should recognize that we might be wrong and be willing to change our story when we get better information. This is what Moroni did when he received the second letter from Pahoran. Rather than attacking the government, he went to its defense.

Third, we need to ask questions. What difference would it have made if Moroni had asked "What don't I know here?" or "Where could I be wrong?" Clarifying what we don't know enables us to seek the information we need to create a true story. Identifying where we might be wrong identifies the risks inherent in our story; it's better to take more time to gather additional information rather than jump to conclusions.

Fourth, we need to watch our emotions. Emotions can make it difficult to act rationally. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "There are many degrees of offense. There are many degrees of hurt. But what I have noticed is that often we justify our anger and satisfy our consciences by telling ourselves stories about the motives of others that condemn their actions as unforgivable and egoistic while, at the same time, lifting our own motives as pure and innocent" (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "One Key to a Happy Family," Ensign, October 2012). Moroni created a story while angry, and that anger colored his perceptions and guided his assumptions.

Stories help us understand and respond to the events in our lives. Every event is not of equal significance, but when the stakes are high, it's critical that we get to the right story. A faulty story can lead to potentially devastating actions. The right story can help us respond appropriately. With patience and care, we can gather the information that is necessary to properly guide our actions as we respond to the events and people around us.

Counsel to Remember

When I served on the Board of Trustees of Catholic Health Partners (CHP), one of my fellow trustees was Sister Marie Hartmann. Sister Marie became a good friend and I am blessed by her continuing friendship. She no longer is on the board but sends out a weekly email of wise counsel to various people associated with CHP and a few friends. I am fortunate to receive her emails. When I opened this week's email, I was touched by wise counsel and advice I found in it. I hope you find these beautiful sayings as refreshing and encouraging as I did.

1. Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.

2. So why is a car's windshield so large and the rear view mirror so small? Because our past is not as important as our future. So, look ahead and move on.

3. Friendship is like a book. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.

4. All things in life are temporary. If it's going well, enjoy it, that won't last long. If it's going badly, don't worry, that won't last long either.

5. Old friends are gold! New friends are diamonds! If you get a diamond, don't forget the gold! Because to hold a diamond, you always need a base of gold!

6. Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, "Relax, it's just a bend, not the end!"

7. When God solves your problems, you have faith in His abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems, He has faith in your abilities.

8. A blind person asked St. Anthony, "Can there be anything worse than losing eyesight?" He replied, "Yes, losing your vision!"

9. When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them. Sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

10. Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace.

 

"Thou Hast Heard My Prayer"

I treasure the chapters in the Book of Mormon that tell of Alma's mission to a group of people, the Zormanites, who had had adopted many apostate practices and in so doing had perverted the gospel of Jesus Christ. In these chapters Alma and his companion Amulek testify of Christ and teach about faith, repentance, and prayer. I have read these chapters numerous times. When I recently re-read them, Alma's quotation of the prophet Zenos, of whom we know little, resonated with me. According to Alma, Zenos said,

"Thou art merciful, O God, for thou hast heard my prayer, even when I was in the wilderness; yea, thou wast merciful when I prayed concerning those who were mine enemies, and thou didst turn them to me. Yea, O God, and thou wast merciful unto me when I did cry unto thee in my field; when I did cry unto thee in my prayer, and thou didst hear me. And again, O God, when I did turn to my house thou didst hear me in my prayer. And when I did turn unto my closet, O Lord, and prayed unto thee, thou didst hear me. Yea, thou art merciful unto thy children when they cry unto thee, to be heard of thee and not of men, and thou wilt hear them. Yea, O God, thou hast been merciful unto me, and heard my cries in the midst of thy congregations. Yea, and thou hast also heard me when I have been cast out and have been despised by mine enemies; yea, thou didst hear my cries, and wast angry with mine enemies, and thou didst visit them in thine anger with speedy destruction. And thou didst hear me because of mine afflictions and my sincerity; and it is because of thy Son that thou hast been thus merciful unto me, therefore I will cry unto thee in all mine afflictions, for in thee is my joy; for thou hast turned thy judgments away from me, because of thy Son" (Alma 33:4-11, emphasis added).

I can echo the words of Zenos for repeatedly have my prayers been heard and answered. They haven't always been answered in the way I was hoping . With the perspective of time though, I can see where they have always been answered in the way that was best for me and my growth. Whether it has been family concerns, health, employment, or Church assignments, He has never failed to answer my prayer. I believe that every answered prayer is a miracle and a manifestation of Heavenly Father's tender mercy.

I know that Heavenly Father is close and wants to help me. I just need to sincerely ask and then watch as my petitions are answered in His way on His timetable. I am grateful for such mercy.

 

Resolutions for 2014

The start of a new year is the time when I reflect on the events of the past year and whether goals set at the beginning of the year have been achieved. I ask myself questions such as:

• Where did I do well and where did I fall short and why?
• What could I have done better?
• What needs to change in this coming year?

This exercise then leads to another round of goal setting.

As I have done my evaluation of 2013 and thought about plans for the coming year, the words of Amulek, spoken over two millennia ago, have guided my thinking. He said that, "if we do not improve our time while in this life,then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed" Alma 34:33,emphasis added). His wisdom has caused me to think a little differently about what I want to do in 2014. I don't want to just tackle a list of desirable projects. At times in the past, my goal setting has been more like constructing a bucket list of good ideas rather than an effort to really focus my life.

In 2014, I want to focus on just a few really important areas. I want to become a better

• Disciple of Christ,
• Husband,
• Father, and
• Grandfather.

These are the most important areas of my life and the ones that have eternal significance. If I can improve in each of these areas in 2014, I will count this year as a success. I will have become a better son of God. I will have improved the time allotted to me.

 

Merry Christmas

 

The beautiful carol, "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel," is about the coming of Jesus and the blessings which His birth brings to me and the whole human family. The carol, "Oh, Come, All Ye Faithful," is about my coming to Jesus. His coming can give me hope, but to receive it I must seek and come to Him as did the shepherds and the wise men. The words of this beautiful carol, composed by John F. Wade in the eighteenth century, are,

Oh, come, all ye faithful,

Joyful and triumphant!

Oh, come ye, oh come ye to Bethlehem.

Come and behold him,

Born the King of angels;

Oh, come, let us adore him;

Oh, come, let us adore him;

Oh, come, let us adore him,

Christ, the Lord.

Sing, choirs of angels,

Sing in exultation;

Sing, all ye citizens of heav’n above!

Glory to God,

Glory in the highest;

Oh, come, let us adore him;

Oh, come, let us adore him;

Oh, come, let us adore him,

Christ, the Lord.

Yea, Lord, we greet thee,

Born this happy morning;

Jesus, to thee be all glory giv’n.

Son of the Father,

Now in flesh appearing;

Oh, come, let us adore him;

Oh, come, let us adore him;

Oh, come, let us adore him,

Christ, the Lord.

Jesus' miraculous birth, exemplary life, and unselfish act of atonement are the pivotal events in all of human history. Amulek declared,

"For it is expedient that an atonement should be made; for according to the great plan of the Eternal God there must be an atonement made, or else all mankind must unavoidably perish; yea, all are hardened; yea, all are fallen and are lost, and must perish except it be through the atonement which it is expedient should be made." (Alma 34:9)

Prophets prophesied of His coming. An angel announced His birth while a choir of angels sang in the heavens. Has there ever been a more anticipated or celebrated yet humble birth?

For me, "O Come All Ye Faithful" extends an invitation to symbolically journey to Bethlehem and worship the Only Begotten Son of the Father just as the shepherds and wise men did centuries ago. Years after His birth, Jesus made this invitation when He said,

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

 

I owe Jesus the hope I have for Eternal Life with my Heavenly Father. He is worthy of my adoration, worship, devotion, and discipleship not just as I celebrate His birth today but every day of my life.

"O Come, O Come, Emmanuel"

One of my favorite Christmas carols has become "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel". With beautifully moving verse, this carol teaches of the reasons we have to rejoice in Jesus' birth. The words of the carol are,

O come, O come, Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free

Thine own from Satan's tyranny

From depths of Hell Thy people save

And give them victory o'er the grave

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer

Our spirits by Thine advent here

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night

And death's dark shadows put to flight.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Key of David, come,

And open wide our heavenly home;

Make safe the way that leads on high,

And close the path to misery.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, O come, Thou Lord of might,

Who to Thy tribes, on Sinai's height,

In ancient times did'st give the Law,

In cloud, and majesty and awe.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel.

These beautiful words teach about the atoning mission of Jesus Christ and why I have reason to rejoice in His birth. Without Jesus, I would be in bondage to sin, doomed to hell, and exiled from God. But with Jesus' suffering in Gethsemane and on the cross at Calvary, He paid the price of my sins and ransomed me. He swung open the doors of hell to enable me to escape the captivity of sin and be forgiven though repentance. In the words of Isaiah, Jesus "was wounded for...[my] transgressions, he was bruised for...[my] iniquities: the chastisement of...[my] peace was upon him; and with his stripes...[I am] healed" (Isaiah 53:5).

Because of Jesus, the dark shadow of death does will not permanently hold my body captive in a cold grave but I have the promise of a resurrection or the reuniting of my body and spirit. Abinadi taught,

"For were it not for the redemption which he hath made for his people, which was prepared from the foundation of the world, I say unto you, were it not for this, all mankind must have perished. But behold, the bands of death shall be broken, and the Son reigneth, and hath power over the dead; therefore, he bringeth to pass the resurrection of the dead" (Mosiah 15:19-20).

Jesus was the first to be resurrected and the rest of Heavenly Father's children, including me, will follow.

Christ's teachings and example gives me the way to return to my Heavenly Home. He is the only way home (John 14:6). It is only through His gospel and His "merits, mercy, and grace" (2 Nephi 2:8) that I can return home to live eternally with my Heavenly Father.

The prophet Alma prophesied of Jesus' birth and taught about His atoning mission. He said,

"And behold, he shall be born of Mary, at Jerusalem...she being a virgin, a precious and chosen vessel, who shall be overshadowed and conceive by the power of the Holy Ghost, and bring forth a son, yea, even the Son of God. And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." (Alma 7:10-12)

I am grateful that Emmanuel, the promised Messiah, even Jesus the Christ came to earth. He has given me every reason to rejoice. He has given me the peace found in hope.

 

Innkeepers, Shepherds, and Wise Men

I love everything about Christmas. The sacred music, beautiful decorations, bright lights, giving of gifts, and cherished traditions create a special spirit during this season of the year. Most of all I love the message of Christmas. The story of the first Christmas reminds me of the importance of the Savior in my life. To me the message is that through Jesus' miraculous birth, exemplary ministry, and atoning mission, I can find peace, goodwill, hope, and eternal life along with all of God's children.

While there are many things to be learned from the story of Christ's birth, there are three events from that first Christmas that teach me important principles for my life as I strive to be a disciple of Christ.

The first of these events took place on the crowded streets of Bethlehem shortly before the Savior was born. Luke records,

“And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed . . . And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee . . . unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem . . . To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn” (Luke 2:1 -7, emphasis added).

The phrase,“there was no room for them in the inn” has always peaked my curiosity. I wonder why there was no room in the inns of Bethlehem for Mary, Joseph, and the yet to be born Son of God. I think about those scriptural accounts where some humble man or woman was inspired to care for one of God's servants. Amulek was told by an angel to care for Alma. A widow was commanded to provide for Elijah. Why wasn’t an innkeeper told to prepare a more fitting place than a stable for the birth of the Son of God? Perhaps the Spirit did try to whisper to someone but he was too busy conducting business to hear the promptings telling him to prepare a place for his King’s birth.

Unfortunately, unless I am careful, I am no different than the innkeepers. My life can become so caught up in my daily routines of life that I may fail to let Christ in. When He knocks, do I let Him into my life or am I so busy that I turn Him away?

President Thomas S. Monson said,

“Before we can successfully undertake a personal search for Jesus, we must first prepare time for him in our lives and room for him in our hearts. In these busy days there are many who have time for gold, time for shopping, time for work, time for play, but not time for Christ.

"Lovely homes dot the land and provide rooms for eating, rooms for sleeping, playrooms, sewing rooms, television rooms, but no room for Christ." (Thomas S. Monson, "The Search for Jesus," Ensign, December 1990)

In the beautiful poem, "A Prayer for December," the poet offered this prayer:

Dearest God, please never let me,

Crowd my life full to the brim.

So like the keeper of Bethlehem’s inn,

I find I have no room for Him.

Instead let my heart’s door be ever open,

Ready to welcome the newborn King,

Let me offer the best I have,

To Him who gives me everything. (Author unknown)

At this Christmas season, I pray that I may rededicate my life to always inviting Him in, to truly knowing Him, to always hearing His voice, and to doing His will. May I never crowd Him out.

The second event took place with the shepherds on the plains of Judea when the angel and the heavenly hosts announced the birth of the Savior to the shepherds. Again Luke records,

“And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy . . . . For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this [shall be] a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away . . .the shepherds said one to another, Let us . . . go . . . unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which . . . the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. And when they had seen [it], they made [it] known abroad . . .” (Luke 2:8-17).

As I contemplate this account, I wonder why the angels appeared to the shepherds. Why wasn’t the Savior’s birth announced to the powerful religious or political leaders of the Jews? After all He was the King of the Jews. Why the shepherds? Maybe it was to the shepherds because they were humble, meek, and submissive and not only would they hear and accept the message but they would also act upon it. Perhaps angels did announce the Savior's birth to many others, but as with the innkeepers, they were also too busy. Maybe it was just too inconvenient or it didn’t fit in with their beliefs and traditions, and they chose not to listen or perhaps they procrastinated doing something with the message and missed their opportunity to worship the Christ child.

There may also be another reason why others are not mentioned. Luke says that the shepherds after visiting and worshipping Jesus went and “made it known” to others. They went and testified of what they had seen and felt. They shared their sacred experience with someone who recorded it. Perhaps, there were others who visited the baby Jesus but they kept silent and didn't speak of it so it was never recorded.

For me there is much to be learned from the shepherds. I learn to be humble, to listen, to go when the Spirit speaks, and importantly to testify. After I have made room for Jesus in my life, after I have sought Him and let Him in, after I have gained a testimony of Him, I need to tell others both through my actions and my words that I believe and accept Christ.

The final event took place some time later when the wise men came seeking Jesus. Matthew records,

“Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem . . . there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem . . . . And, lo, the star, which they saw in the east, went before them, till it came and stood over where the young child was. When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy. And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh.” (Matthew 2: 1 - 3, 9 - 11)

It's interesting that these seekers of Jesus were called “wise men”. Our traditions refer to them as three kings, but all Matthew says is that they were wise men. These men who knew of the prophecies about Jesus' birth were undoubtedly watching for the signs of His birth. Maybe they even heard heavenly choirs and heeded the message of an angel. While the innkeepers of Bethlehem, King Herod, the religious leaders of Judea, and others may have been caught unprepared, they were ready. Having seen the Star, they went searching for Him. When they found Him, they gave Him the gifts they brought. But these worldly gifts of wealth were no where near the value of the goodness of their lives. I am sure they had prepared by giving gifts of sacrifice, love, obedience, and devotion. These were the gifts and treasures of eternal significance that insured them a place at the cradle of the recently born King.

I need to be similarly prepared to receive Him. I must love, sacrifice, be obedient, and devoted so that I will be ready whenever my call to serve and worship Him comes.

As I reflect upon these events of long ago, I have much to wonder about. I believe if I can learn the lessons of the first Christmas and let Him into my life and heart, bear testimony of Him as the Shepherds did, and worship Him as the Wise men then I will be ready, as the Shepherds and Wise Men were ready, to worship Him not only during this Christmas season but throughout the whole year.

 

The Light of the World

“[Jesus Christ] is the Light of Bethlehem, born of Mary, His mortal mother, and His Father, Almighty God. . . . He is the Light of theAtonement fulfilled in the Garden of Gethsemane and on Golgotha, who took upon Himself the sins of the world, that all mankind mayobtain eternal salvation. He is the Light of the empty tomb, the resurrected Lord with a glorified body of flesh and bone, who broke thebands of death and gained an everlasting victory over the grave. . . . He is my Light, my Redeemer, my Savior—and yours.” (Robert D. Hales, “Out of Darkness into His Marvelous Light,” Ensign, May 2002)

Forgiveness

"How difficult it is for any of us to forgive those who have injured us. We are all prone to brood on the evil done us. That brooding becomes as a gnawing and destructive canker. Is there a virtue more in need of application in our time than the virtue of forgiving and forgetting? There are those who would look upon this as a sign of weakness. Is it? I submit that it takes neither strength nor intelligence to brood in anger over wrongs suffered, to go through life with a spirit of vindictiveness, to dissipate one’s abilities in planning retribution. There is no peace in the nursing of a grudge. There is no happiness in living for the day when you can 'get even.'" (Gordon B. Hinckley, "Of You It Is Required To Forgive," Ensign, June 1991)

 

Achieving Unity

The following is a wonderful story told by President Henry B. Eyring on achieving unity in our relationships, particularly marriage:

“It is only with the companionship of the Holy Ghost that we can hope to be equally yoked in a marriage free from discord. I have seen how that companionship is crucial for felicity in a marriage. The miracle of becoming one requires the help of heaven, and it takes time. Our goal is to live together forever in the presence of Heavenly Father and our Savior.

“My father and my mother were very different from each other. My mother was a singer and an artist. My father loved chemistry. Once at a symphony concert, my mother was surprised when my father stood up and began to leave before the applause began. My mother asked him where he was going. His response was, in all innocence: 'Well, it’s over, isn’t it?' Only the gentle influence of the Holy Ghost got him there with her in the first place and brought him back to concerts time and time again.

“My mother lived in New Jersey for 16 years so that my father could support the family by doing research and teaching chemistry. To her it was a sacrifice being separated from her widowed mother and her unmarried sister, who had cared for her in the old family farmhouse. They both died while Mother was far away in New Jersey. Those were the only times I ever saw my mother cry.

“Years later my father was offered a job in Utah. He asked my mother, again in all innocence, 'Mildred, what do you think I should do?'

“She said, 'Henry, do whatever you think is best.'

“He turned down the offer. The next morning she wrote him a letter that I wish I still had. I remember that she told him, 'Don’t open it here. Go to the office and open it there.' It began with a rebuke. He had promised her years before that if he ever could, he would take her to be near her family. He was surprised by her expression of irritation. He had not remembered the desire of her heart. He immediately sent a message accepting the job offer.

“He said, 'Mildred, why didn’t you tell me?'

“She said, 'You were supposed to remember.'

“He always spoke of that choice to move to Utah as his own, never as a sacrifice of his professional career. They had received the miracle of becoming one. It would have been better if Dad had been reminded by the Holy Ghost of the promise he had made years earlier. But he did allow the Holy Ghost to soften his heart so that her choice became his." (http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/to-my-grandchildren?lang=engce)

 

Nephi’s Psalm

One of my heroes is the Book of Mormon prophet Nephi. For me, he is an example of steadfast faith and resolute obedience. His declaration “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded” (1 Nephi 3:7) characterized his life. No matter what trial or tribulation confronted him, he never wavered in his determination to follow Heavenly Father. He is a stellar example of a true disciple.

One of the most beautiful passages in all of the Book of Mormon is a psalm written by Nephi. This psalm poetically teaches about the need to repent, to trust in God, to remember His goodness, and to seek His grace. Nephi wrote these passages at what must have been a very tender and troubling moment in his life. Lehi, Nephi’s beloved father, had recently died and Nephi was facing increasing persecution and dissension from his rebellious brothers, Laman and Lemuel. His poignant psalm begins with a deeply sorrowful description of the remorse Nephi feels for his sins. I wonder if an angry exchange with his brothers may have precipitated these agonizing feelings. He writes,

“O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins…” (2 Nephi 4:17-19)

Nephi uses pain laden language—wretched, sorroweth, grieveth, and groaneth—to describe the remorse he is feeling. He clearly is tormented by sin, but he refuses to wallow in his sins and the pain they have caused him. Instead he turns to God and recalls his many great blessings. He says,

“… Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh. He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me. Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time. And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me. And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.” (2 Nephi 4:19-25)

Remembering his blessings is the balm that seems to sooth Nephi’s troubled soul and leads him to appeal to God for the mercy promised to the repentant. He writes,

O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions? And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?  Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul…Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.” (2 Nephi 4:26-30)

But Nephi does more than just appeal for mercy, he prays for the strength to overcome his trials and temptations. He prayerfully writes,

“O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin? May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road! O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way--but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy. O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm. Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.” (2 Nephi 4:31-35)

I love the words: “O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever.” Trust is born of faith. From his earliest days, Nephi’s faith led him to have absolute trust in God and now, at this moment, he trusts that the Lord will grant his appeal for mercy and strength because He has done so in the past.

I am grateful to Nephi for writing so personally about the joy that can only come through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The passages of this psalm have comforted me throughout my life. Heavenly Father has blessed me just as He blessed Nephi. I trust that if I have faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement and repent then Heavenly Father will also grant my appeal for mercy and I will find relief and joy. This gives me hope.

“I, The Lord, Remember Them No More”

I am grateful for Jesus Christ, my Lord, Savior, and Redeemer. I am thankful for His Atonement. Because of this supernal sacrifice, I can repent of my sins, be forgiven, and have the hope of Eternal Life with my Heavenly Father, Christ, and my family. 

Paul taught, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Nonetheless, we can repent of our sins and be redeemed (Mosiah 27:24). Repentance is the divine principle of change. It’s turning away from our sinful ways and embracing a new way of life that’s aligned with God. When we repent, we feel deep sorrow for our wrongful behaviors and commit to change. We seek forgiveness from God in order to become spiritually clean. With our changed life, comes the comforting blessing: “He who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more” (Doctrine and Covenants 58:42, emphasis added). The Lord made a similar promise through the prophet Ezekiel when he said, 

 “But if the wicked will turn from all his sins that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall surely live, he shall not die. All his transgressions that he hath committed, they shall not be mentioned unto him: in his righteousness that he hath done he shall live” (Ezekiel 18:21-22). 

We can find relief in the promises that He will neither remember nor mention our sins when we sincerely repent. Imagine, we can put the past behind us and look forward to a new life free from the effects of sin. The Lord also promised that, “He shall surely live, he shall not die.” While we will all experience death someday, the Lord is saying that we won’t suffer spiritual death or be cut off from the presence of God if we repent. We can live in God’s presence throughout eternity. 

Isaiah described what happens to our sins as we repent. When the Lord forgave him of his sins, Isaiah wrote,

 “ Wo is unto me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips; and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of Hosts. Then flew one of the seraphim unto me, having a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with the tongs from off the altar; And he laid it upon my mouth, and said: Lo, this has touched thy lips; and thine iniquity is taken away, and thy sin purged" (Isaiah 6:5-7, emphasis added). 

What a beautifully symbolic description of the way the Lord removes or purges the effects of our repented of sins. Purge means to cleanse or purify. The seraphim are symbolic of the Holy Ghost whose ministry it is to purge, cleanse, purify or remit our sins from us through the Atonement of Christ. When the Lord looks upon us after this purging, He no longer sees our sins staining our soul; we are cleansed through the Atonement. This may be why He doesn’t remember our sins or mention them; we have become clean, and He no longer sees them. 

 Having our sins removed, we no longer feel guilt and shame. Perhaps the only guilt we feel is that we no longer feel guilty. Isaiah made this promise to the House of Israel, "Fear not, for thou shalt not be ashamed; neither be thou confounded, for thou shalt not be put to shame; for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy youth..." (3 Nephi 22:4, emphasis added). This is our promise also. The Atonement of Jesus Christ can heal the sinful soul and swallow up that awful feeling of shame and sense of reproach. 

Many ask the question: If the Lord doesn’t remember my sins, then why do I? 

The prophet Alma provides valuable insight into the process of repentance, forgiveness, and this very question of remembering our past sinful acts. 

As a young man, Alma attempted to destroy the church of God (Mosiah 27:8-9). While he was going around trying to tear down the church, an angel appeared to him and told him to repent and change his ways or else he would be destroyed (Mosiah 27:11-17; Alma 36:11). Torment and guilt racked Alma’s conscience as he realized his precarious spiritual standing. This awful pain continued until the moment Alma pleaded for mercy and asked for forgiveness. He then felt redemption through the Atonement (Mosiah 27:18-26). He completely changed his life and he went on to become a great prophet and witness of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. 

Twenty five years later, Alma recounted his experience to his son Helaman. Although the years had passed, he still remembered his sinful past and what he had done. The Lord had not wiped his memory clean. He was able to recount the struggle to repent. He described the pain, torment, and suffering that his sins had caused him. He related how the Lord had forgiven him. He told Helaman, "And now I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more" (Alma 36:19, emphasis added). He no longer felt the anguish of conscience, distress, and spiritual pain. Joy replaced guilt and shame. He could recall the pain he had felt at the time but it was a non-painful memory for the Spirit through the Atonement of Christ had removed the torment and pain caused by the anguish he had felt twenty five years earlier. 

It is not a realistic expectation that after having repented and been forgiven that we will forget our sins. The memory of Alma’s past enabled him to testify of power of the Atonement. It is the same for each one of us. We can also testify of the blessings of the Atonement. We can vividly testify that we can be forgiven and the guilt, shame, and reproach can be removed. By remembering we can also learn from past mistakes so that hopefully we won’t fall into the same snares again. Perhaps this is why are memories aren’t wiped clean when we are forgiven. 

I am thankful that I can repent and move forward.

Introduction to the Church (Mormons) (playlist)